Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Needing Advice About Asshole Men

Situation: When I went back home over Christmas, I left my plants in the care of a guy who was a friend/acquaintance. He lives in the floor above me, and although I knew he wasn't the most reliable person, I really had no one else to ask who would be around while I was away, and still here when I got back. I also needed a bill paid for me while I was away (since he lives in the same building, I figured it wouldn't be that hard for him to collect my mail and pay the bill for me) and gave him $100 to cover it. I asked him if he could do this for me, assured him I wouldn't be offended if he said no, and made sure he was willingly taking on this responsibility.

While I was back home, I occasionally got in touch with him, and he said all was going well.

I came back to Korea and found that one of my plants had died. Ok - not that big a deal. I was a little disappointed, but oh, well. Like I said - no big deal.
He hadn't paid the bill. Again - a little pissed off, but no big deal. The penalty was only 5 bucks.

The issues began when 1) he didn't give me back the plant pot of the plant that had died (it was a nice one) and 2) he said he didn't have the money right then to give back to me.

I said "no worries". I'm generally pretty laid back and don't get worked up over little things. He lives in my building, so it wasn't like I wasn't going to see him again. I gave him the thank-you presents I'd gotten him in Australia, anyway (I've been brought up well in this department, I believe), but I regret doing this. He doesn't deserve them.

After a week or so, I messaged asking if I could drop by and get the plant pot and the money. No answer.

After another few weeks, I ran into him. He said he knew he owed me money, and that he would catch up with me next week. Again, nothing.

I messaged again with no reply.

After another few weeks, I messaged again, receiving the response "I don't have it". Now, as an aside, that is pure BS. How many adults do you know with a well-paying job who don't have $100 in their bank account? There is an ATM on the ground floor of our building - it would take 1 minute to go down and drop the money off on his way back up to his floor.

So I sent him the reply to have it to me by Friday. After no reply, I messaged asking him to give me a date he would pay it back. He mentioned a date a few months away, and at a time when I knew he would be leaving the country.

Well, to hell with that. It had now been over three months since I'd gotten back.

I started messaging everyday, knowing I was bugging him, sending him the chorus of "song for the dumped" by Ben Folds, and annoying the shit out of him.

His latest message has been "stop annoying me or you won't see a dime... I promise you."

OMG!! What is wrong with this person?!? He owes me money. End of story. It's not a hostage. It's not a negotiation. Besides, I did "not annoy" him for three months, and that got me nowhere.

I have a feeling it's now become a game for him - to see how long he can go without paying me and seeing if I'll back down with the messages and being "annoying". It's a game I'm not going to play. He may be an immature dickless asshole, but I'm not (ok, so I stooped to passive aggressiveness for a little while, but I'm not proud of it). This situation is frustrating, infuriating, upsetting, annoying, irritating....

So what do I do? At this stage I'd like to tell him to go fuck himself with the $100 and let it go. Honestly, he's not worth $100. At the same time, it's money I'd really like back. Plus, I don't want him to mistakenly think that he's "won" this "game". He owes me the money. Why can't he just pay it back?

I really don't get it. What is the big deal about paying back money you owe someone? What kind of inconsiderate, indecent, selfish, stupid prick is he? I'm no paragon when it comes to consideration, money, and other things, but if someone asked me to do them a favor like pay a bill for them and gave me money to do it, and I just happen not to have done it (it would have to be something pretty big for me not to follow through with a promise like that, though. If I knew I wouldn't be able to do it, I wouldn't have taken on the favor), I would be apologising profusely and giving the money back to them asap.

What is wrong with people?


Richard said...

have you asked him why he cant/wont give you the money now? why cant he he give the pot back?

does he have an excuse?

Green Lantern said...

I do agree with Richard about asking him why he is unable to pay you back each time you've asked. But, I do have to say this, that if someone is earning a regular salary should be able to at least in one pay take that amount out to pay you back once their salary is in the bank. C'mon! It's not that hard! Unless he's gotten himself up to his eyeballs in major debt...

Anonymous said...

Duct tape his door shut.

I'm serious - go down to the hardware store, and duct tape it shut. HUGE massive layers across the door and the 30cm of wall either side.

Either that, or tell the landlords that he's refusing to give you money. If they think he's a rent risk, they might boot him out.

Ang said...

well, his "reason" for not paying me is that "I don't have it" (which really is bullshit. No foreigner in this country can't afford to payback 100 bucks. (yes, I know that was a double negetive) and "you're annoying", which I don't consider a real reason for not paying someone back.

Em, good suggestions, but I've decided that doing things like taping his door shut might get my tires slashed. and since I don't speak Korean and his lease is under his school's name, your other suggestion won't work :( :P