Sunday, October 16, 2005

A Lonely Rant

Yes, I am about to rant, and it will sound selfish, but I haven't posted anything about how things are going, so this is it. Think of it as an extended, uncut version of my CL. And yes, I am not having a good day, or a good week.

I've mentioned in my CL that things are a little difficult with my roommates, but "little difficult" is an under-statement. If I am honest (and this includes being honest with myself), I hate it here at the dorms. I'm depressed and lonely. I hate the lack of space, the lack of privacy, the lack of personal space...
I am not getting along with my roommates. Even Junko (who I thought I was getting along O.K. with) seems to have turned on me. I got back from dinner tonight and asked her if she had eaten and she said something in Korean. She knows I don't understand, so she will sometimes speak to me a little in Korean, and then repeat it in English. I asked her to repeat what she said becuase I didn't understand and she said something else in Korean, in a really nasty tone. From the words I was able to pick out, I think she said something to the effect of "stuff you; speak Korean".
My roommates and I have gotten to the stage of just ignoring each other (even Junko has stopped talking to me. She's the only one who knows english, and even then she doesn't know much). I know it's probably hard for them, too - they don't know english and I don't know korean. (I don't blame them; I blame the coordinators of the exchange program. I'm pretty ticked off with the program. They told us all about the dorms before we left Australia - that they were big rooms; that we would only be sharing with one other person, who was in the same year as us; that there was central heating.... A LOAD OF SHIT).

My roommates are all 1st-years. Korean girls are generally more immature that westerners. They pretty much have no high-school life. All the schools are segregated, and the emphais on study is just rediculous. I have never really gotten along with Kyung (one of my roommates). She is one of the most immature, selfish and inconsiderate people (over the age of two) that I have met in my life. She annoys the shit out of me.

I think at this stage my roommates and I are just trying to do what it takes to bear with each other until the end of the year. I live on my bed (the bottom bunk - I've hung up clothes and my towel to block out the light so I can try to get to sleep better and at least pretend that I have some personal space) and whenever I am in my room I'm on the internet and emails. I have stretched my internet cord so I can have my computer on my bed.

Things in Korea are fine, except for where I live. Unfortnately. It's really hard when you get depressed by where you live. Sera, the other girl from Australia living in the dorms with me is really depressed by the place as well. She's had money stolen, and she's getting a lot of back pain from sleeping on the terrible beds. Me too, but not as much, so I give her massages. We band together and eat toast together when the food is crap (on average the dinner is really bad at least three times a week. Lunch is really bad at least four times a week). I've stopped eating breakfast, except for tuesdays and fridays (cereal days) and sundays (we get flavoured milk) when I get up for church. The other days I've been sleeping. I'm even sleeping through my roommates getting ready.

If you (who recieve them) are wondering why I don't write more about certain things in my CLs, it's because I'm suppressing the bad things. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining all the time, and I don't want people to say "well, maybe you shouldn't have gone". That's crap. Almost everything else here is great. I just have to block out half my life (the hours 4:40pm to when I go to sleep) so that I can survive the other half. I don't want to focus on the bad stuff, because I've had the stage of telling myself "you shouldn't have come", and that's a shit way to think and live your life. I'm trying to focus on the good stuff, becuase generally, ther is a lot of good stuff. Some of the people I'm making friends with are great. I've found a good church and have joined a good small group. It would be nice to be able to spend more times, especially weekends, with these people, but we do do stuff together. Saturday week I'm going hiking with one of the guys I met at the English Cafe. Weekends I go sightseeing and shopping.

I have a few good friends here, but I'm lonely where I live. I am just dying for my own space. To be able to listen to music without headphones for once... to be able to turn the light out and go to bed when I want.... Because of my roommates studying, etc, I don't usually get to sleep before 2am. In Aust, I liked a good 8-9 hours of sleep. Here, I usually get 5; 7 if I'm lucky and so tired I sleep through anything. But because of the uncomfortable bed, any sleep I get isn't good sleep.

Life is good, except for the dorms.

Captain Chopsticks
In need of a good bed.


Queen of the Squirrels said...

Sounds like you're not having fun...

Did you get the chocolate I posted yet? I might send some more next week.

Emily J said...

I'm sorry that your roommate situation is disappointing. Sigh...

Fernby said...

i think i already sent you suggestions about your roommate. I will not reiterate them here. I think you know what a good Australian girl should do in this situation.

and it does not involve thermonuclear weapons.

Ang said...

Thanks for your comments, guys. And Rodney, I wouldn't mind a thermo nuclear weapon at the moment. Just one small enough to wipe out three or four people.